i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
