I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
