Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
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