Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
