so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
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