I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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