I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
a search helicopter?!
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
