working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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