I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
