Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize