He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
