wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
