i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
it was like eating out sand paper
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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