Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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