Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
