haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Randomize
