If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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