New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Are my feet made of real feet?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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