after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
