so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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