Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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