DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
