I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize