I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize
