You can't motorboat a personality
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
The struggles of a small town man whore
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
