hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
it was like eating out sand paper
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
