the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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