Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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