oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
