You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I need water and some morals
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
The cops high fived after they tackled you
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
