Small penises have feelings too.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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