if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
