Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
