Redeem this text for a blowjob
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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