She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
