All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
NoShamevember. You game?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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