We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
