yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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