I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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