Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
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