First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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