Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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