i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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