just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
