Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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