C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
