We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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