i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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