Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
