whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
