maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
do herpes really smell.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
