Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
