Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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