i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
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