how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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