dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
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