And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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