My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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