then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
