I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
