I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
