Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize