i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
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