Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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