I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
