Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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