i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Randomize
