atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
