just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
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