i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Randomize
