I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
