I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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