you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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