I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Randomize
