Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
