Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
